The devil is in the details, but so is the perfect wedding. I know when it comes to the ceremony itself, you can feel like it’s a much easier beast to plan (it is), but that doesn’t mean there aren’t little sneaky things that you’ll need to decide. Likely, it won’t take you quite so long to figure out, but it will take some hours of planning and discussing with fiancé.
This is definitely not all of the decisions you need to make, but these ten should help jumpstart some of the other questions you should be asking. When you’re nearing the end of your planning months, just be sure to go through the ceremony piece by piece in your mind, and envision it all to make sure you’ve got everything covered. Also, it never hurts to watch a wedding video (or five) to make sure your ceremony has all the components of a traditional wedding ceremony that you want. Of course, you can also use that to decide what you don’t want or want to add, but you’ll surely get some inspiration from other people’s real weddings.
1. What will your flower girl and/or ring bearer hold?
You don’t necessarily need to go the traditional route of having a flower girl throw petals or having a ring bearer bring up the rings. This traditional version is often messy and unpredictable (usually in a cute way, but still). Other options are a “here comes the bride” sign, the leash that your pet-daughter or son is on or just holding each other’s hands. It’s really up to you, but the cuties need to know in advance and should practice at rehearsal.
2. Will your parents/grandparents process in? If so who will escort?
There’s an option for some of your loved ones to process in with music before the bridesmaids come down the aisle. If you’d like to do it this way, just make sure to think about who will process in and there escort, if applicable. Sometimes a widowed grandmother will walk down the aisle with her son or grandson. It’s really up to you guys who should process and in what order. The paternal grandparents and the brides parent(s) that are not walking her down the aisle typically process in as well. If the bride’s mother decides to walk down the aisle, her son(s) or brother(s) typically escort her.
Of course, if tradition ain’t your thing, process whoever you want down that aisle! Just don’t make it too long or people with bore of waiting for the bride’s big entrance.
3. Will you have a specific side for people to sit on?
This is one of those decisions that people often have a “thing” about. They’re either fiercely for it or fiercely against. Having people sit on the traditional sides (people who know the bride= left/ people who know the groom= right) is fine. Having people “pick a seat, not a side” is cool too. Either way, let people know. There’s usually some sort of signage for people if the couple wants to encourage them to mingle and the ushers should know what the deal is as well. They should be able to answer questions about where they should sit.
Regardless, definitely put up “reserved” signs on the seats/pews/rows that you want for your immediate family, those processing in and your bridal party. Ushers should also know who belongs in this section as well. Having at least one usher from the bride’s family and one from the groom’s family helps make this process a little smoother.
4. What songs will play at your wedding?
There are different options depending on whether or not you’re having a religious ceremony or a secular one. I can only really speak for a Catholic mass since that’s what we did, but here is an article about the general times music will be necessary.
5. What order do you want your bridesmaids and groomsmen to stand in?
Before the rehearsal, you need to know what order you want your bridal party standing next to you and then they will be able to practice processing in order from the furthest from you to the closest. Often, the maid of honor and the best man are the closet and you can choose to fan it out however you’d like. Sometimes, it’s in order of how close they are to you. Other times, its just a family then friends line. Still other times, it’s just in order of height. It’s a minor detail I doubt people really notice so don’t worry about it to much.
6. Will the groom walk down the aisle or come in through the back?
Back to the processions. The groom is able to walk down the aisle himself, the groomsmen will walk down the aisle paired with the bridesmaids and then the bride and her escort will walk. The groom and groomsmen are also able to just come from the back of the church to the alter or the front of the ceremony and stand waiting for the family, bridesmaids and bride processions. Either way works!
7. Who will walk the bride down the aisle?
It might be a simple question to ask, because likely the bride already knows, but it just doesn’t have to be the father. She can walk herself, be escorted by both parents, be escorted by her brothers… really it’s up to her.
8. Who will say read the readings (and bring up the gifts, if applicable)?
Again, I’m coming from a Catholic mass, but most ceremonies have some sort of decision making when it comes to roles within it. Whether it’s looking for a minister, someone to read a special poem or your traditional readings and vow exchange, there need to be specific people for each. If there are options for non-professionals or religious leaders, this can be another opportunity you can create for someone that’s important in your lives. Maybe there was someone you couldn’t fit in your bridal party, Godparents you’d like to include or the person that introduced you to your fiancé. All of these special people are great choices for whom to bestow the honor.
9. Do you want to have wedding programs?
Yet another stationary item, I know! It’s up to you. You can print them, because you feel they’ll make great keepsakes or will be informative when it comes to readings and identifying people or you can make one big sign for the ceremony venue entrance. That way people can read it on their way in, but you can limit the expense of printing 200 more pieces of paper.
10. Who will usher people to their seats?
I touched on this earlier, but you definitely need someone who can help with this. If your wedding planner is bringing an assistant, they might take over this role. Just be sure to fully educate them on the family and who is who. You just want to make sure someone is taking care of your family VIP so when you look out from the alter you see your beloved grandmother, not your estranged Aunt Lucy.
