My friend, Ana, is back with all the struggles of this middle point of planning, as she calls it. She’s currently 6 months away from her wedding date, and this is her second time dishing on planning and letting me add my two sense. 
 
If you’re a little further away from your big day, check out her 10 month Q&A here. 
 

1. “Ok, so when we first got engaged I hit the ground running- I searched through countless of vendors and selected the ones I thought best fit our wedding style and vision. Although I loved the choices we made, I didn’t always love the vendor’s suggestions. There were some real cringe-worthy moments when I learned that ‘tropical’ can mean so many things.”

As Ana said later in her text to me, it’s important to remember that this is your fiancé and your day. If your vendor suggestions do not align with your vision, it’s crucial to speak up. I definitely made a few “sure, we can try that” decisions with my vendors despite knowing in my heart that wasn’t what I was initially envisioning. 
 
Sometimes the vendors accidentally pressure you to make decisions. While they certainly know the best timeline in order to get everything done, it’s okay to say “hey, I want to think about this overnight. Can I call you tomorrow and confirm?” There’s a difference between dwelling on decisions so long that your vendors can’t move ahead and taking a night to think it over.  You’re entitled to the latter, so take it. 
 
This is not the time in your life to be a people-pleaser. Ana and I both found that hard, but it’s an important lesson to learn. 
 
When it comes to explaining your style, visuals speak louder than words. We all have our own visions of what different wedding aesthetics mean and coming armed with visuals is key to getting across your vision to vendors. 
 
Here are a couple ways to share your vision:

• Google Drive with photos from around the internet you love (split into things like “flower arrangements,” “table settings,” etc.)
• Pinterest board that you can add to 
• A wedding vision board 

 

 

2. The guest list 

Ana mentioned several things that came up when planning the guest list and how she handled them. I would argue that the guest list is one of the most difficult tasks in all of wedding planning. I would also argue that the guest list instigates the most arguing.
 
Who’s at your wedding is a big deal, and lots of people have something to say about it. Managing this list and getting all the info you need for it… well, it’s quite the feat. 
 
Here are some of the difficulties Ana had to overcome:

• Managing family members’ contributions to the guest list: Often parents want to have a big say in the wedding guest list. Sometimes because they’re contributing to or paying for the wedding, other times just because they want to share this day with their people too. That’s all fine and well, but getting parents to do that in a way that you’re comfortable with and in a timely fashion can be challenging. In my opinion, no matter how much money people are dropping on your wedding, they should not get total control of your guest list. Your fiancé and you should have the final say. That means if you don’t want your 5th cousin twice removed to be invited, then he/she should not be invited, even if your parents feel like they are obligated to invite them. This is your day and you want to look out and see your people. That being said, you’ll want to be upfront with your family about how many people they can add to your list (and whether they’re family, friends, coworkers, etc) and a deadline for when they should give you the list by.  Express to them your plus one policy, your children policy, etc. so they know the parameters in which they can invite people. Be kind, but be firm. 
• Getting everyone’s addresses: The way we did it was by filling out the guest list with all the info we already knew and then we divided up the rest and texted/emailed until it was complete. Ana used an awesome tool that sounds wayyy easier than that. It’s called Postable, and it basically just texts people and has them fill in their info and then compiles it all into a list for you to send out electronic OR paper save-the-dates and wedding invites. It was SUPER simple to use as a guest, and is pretty genius. 

 
Also, if you need additional help on just who the heck to invite, make sure to check out this post I wrote on the topic.
 

 

3. “I love traditions. I look forward to a variety of mashed potatoes and pies on Thanksgiving just as much as the next person, but that does not mean I want to partake in every wedding tradition on my wedding day.”

This one’s pretty simple to answer, but way harder to internalize and implement. It’s. Your. Freakin’. Day. Do things your freakin’ way. You’ll have to put up with naysayers and random passive aggressive comments, but in the end, you’ll get a wedding that you want and not one forced upon you. That will be worth all the BS you have to deal with. 
 
There are SO many traditions you don’t have to partake in or can adjust to fit your fiancé and your personality. Make these adjustments, ditch these traditions, do it your freakin’ way. Don’t feel bad about it either. The guests won’t miss the garter toss, but the guests will notice the dread that’s on your face when the time comes for that if you decide to keep it because your mom told you it was important. 
 

 

Final thoughts from Ana: